dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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