there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
