you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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