When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
