My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
