My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
