Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
