Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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