Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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