You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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