Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
