hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize