I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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