Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
