At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
