I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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