Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This baby is an asshole
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
