R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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