i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
