Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize