im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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