don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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