I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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