I am spending my child support on dildos
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
