remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
