Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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