We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
