a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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