My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
