You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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