its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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