i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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