I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
