i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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