why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
