Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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