my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
