how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
