i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
