I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
