well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
