You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
