I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
