i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
