I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
