Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
