you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
