A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
