that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
