I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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