just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
