we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
