is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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