I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
