It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
