there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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