Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
