I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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