i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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