I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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