Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
