Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
