Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
