There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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