he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
