Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
