I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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