it was like eating out sand paper
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize