You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize