Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
