put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
