I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
17 year olds will be the death of me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
