who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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