new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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