I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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