I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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