i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
