It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize