I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
