How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
