I just pynch a tree in the face
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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