I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
