So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So much rum. So many feels.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just want nice things and good sex
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
