On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
