Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
