I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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