i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
