She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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