my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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