so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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